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Things I Write About
State of Mind
Something Silly
Blog Notes
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Monkey Love
Slowing Down

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Saturday, January 31, 2015

I hover between full disclosure and throwing it all away.

Sometimes it's good that my journal is the only one who knows my thoughts, my feelings, my fears. Other times... It's impossibly lonely.

I consider the options. And I keep choosing this middle path. Or maybe it's a result of not choosing.

I wish I knew what you wanted. Do you want to know the depths of my soul? Would you guide me, or would it break you? Would you rather let me work this out on my own, find my own solutions, and keep you out of it?

But I don't think you know, either.

Thursday, January 29, 2015
I am Lost

I'm so. damn. fucking. lost.

I think I asked for help, but I don't remember. Maybe I didn't. Maybe I did, and it just doesn't matter because the person I asked is lost too.

I want someone to lead. I want direction. I'm so tired of finding my own way.

I'm so tired of trying to be strong.

Posted at 07:39 pm by Anjelle

Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Pieces of Peace

Sometimes, when my mind won't quit,
When I'm a chaotic mess of Thought and Emotion,
I go here
For the quiet.

Her stitches speak a language I can understand.
The images create a space I can relax into.

Someday, I hope to own a piece of her cloth. I want to hold it in my hands.

Maybe the texture will hold me as well as the thoughts.
Comfort, in cloth.
Spirit Cloth

Posted at 07:00 pm by Anjelle

Saturday, January 17, 2015

A teenage girl I know commented on an image from The Notebook with a caption that went something like "Forever Love -- It is real." Her comment? "I would love for something like that to happen to me." It irked me. So I wrote a response.

A relationship that lasts a lifetime isn't something that just happens to you. You don't stumble into it. You work hard for it. Every day. You start working before you even meet someone, and you don't stop.

Learn to communicate. Not just talk, but actually getting across what you mean. Without blaming. Without accusation. Owning what is yours and accepting that's the only part you can change. Asking for what you need, even if you're afraid of the answer.

Be you. Really you. Know who you are. Know what you need, and what you can compromise on. Not every attractive person who likes you back is going to be a good match. Be willing to accept that. Also be willing to accept that not everyone is going to like you, and that's ok. If it's going to last, you can't hold back.

When you have a problem, solve it. You're going to disagree. You're going to have fights. You're going to hurt, cry, be angry, want to leave. Sometimes, they'll feel that way too. No one is perfect. Work through it anyway.

It's worth it.

Posted at 03:27 am by Anjelle

Monday, January 12, 2015
Mending Foundations

We talked today. Just about all day, really.

We talked about why, and how to fix it. We talked about what we need, and when. We talked about who we are, and who we might be.

Where we might be going.

We talked about hope. Loss of hope. Holding on to hope. Sharing hope. We talked about trust, and regaining trust. We talked about hurt. Healing. Working at it.

We talked about fixing what's broken. We talked about building something stronger.

It was rough. It was raw. And it was worth every ache, if we can get through this.

Posted at 08:24 pm by Anjelle

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