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Friday, March 26, 2010

I realized today that there's not really much here about what it is, exactly, that I'm ultimately after in relationships. A few things, here and there, with regard to individuals. The broader view is a bit vague.

I wrote a while back about a friend saying my expectations are unrealistic. I disagree. All I expect is that my lovers can get along. A friendship between folks with common interests is not at all too much to expect. In fact, these relationships would not work at all if there were not an underlying friendship and compatibility among all parties.

I'm looking for a family. Not a family with someone else on the side -- a unified family. I don't expect it to be easy. Every relationship comes with problems. More relationships, more problems. The benefits are greater than the difficulties. Just as a parent does not love one child less than the other, I do not seek to place one relationship second to another. Every member of the family is sacred. Losing anyone hurts. I will work equally to meet all needs. I expect the same care and commitment from each partner, and I give back what I receive. And then some.

Hubby and I are in a pretty strong position to take on new relationships. We know our jealousy triggers. (Most of them. Growth and change means new discoveries.) This makes it easy for us to avoid those triggers. Contrary to popular belief, jealousy is usually not about other people. It's about something missing. I get jealous when I am not getting my needs met, and this has little to do with what Hubby may be doing with anyone else. I've been jealous of his work. I've been jealous of a dog. It's not about work, or the dog, but about what was missing in our relationship during those times.

I don't expect relationships where jealousy never rears it's head. I don't believe such relationships exist. I do expect that my partner(s) will not let it rule their decisions. When it comes up, we'll talk about it. As a team, we'll figure out what the problem is and how to fix it so that everyone is satisfied.

I have a lot of love to give. And, as I've recently become aware, I have needs that Hubby can't fill. Needs that neither of us would want him to even try to fill. I have a lot to offer to the right person. There's a big future ahead of us. A lifetime. That's what I'm looking for.

It's not for everyone. It works for us, though.

Posted at 02:27 pm by Anjelle

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