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where am i?
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Things I Write About
State of Mind
Something Silly
Blog Notes
Creative Writing
Arts & Crafts
Monkey Love
Slowing Down

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Artwork Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

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Saturday, January 17, 2015

A teenage girl I know commented on an image from The Notebook with a caption that went something like "Forever Love -- It is real." Her comment? "I would love for something like that to happen to me." It irked me. So I wrote a response.

A relationship that lasts a lifetime isn't something that just happens to you. You don't stumble into it. You work hard for it. Every day. You start working before you even meet someone, and you don't stop.

Learn to communicate. Not just talk, but actually getting across what you mean. Without blaming. Without accusation. Owning what is yours and accepting that's the only part you can change. Asking for what you need, even if you're afraid of the answer.

Be you. Really you. Know who you are. Know what you need, and what you can compromise on. Not every attractive person who likes you back is going to be a good match. Be willing to accept that. Also be willing to accept that not everyone is going to like you, and that's ok. If it's going to last, you can't hold back.

When you have a problem, solve it. You're going to disagree. You're going to have fights. You're going to hurt, cry, be angry, want to leave. Sometimes, they'll feel that way too. No one is perfect. Work through it anyway.

It's worth it.

Posted at 03:27 am by Anjelle

Monday, January 12, 2015
Mending Foundations

We talked today. Just about all day, really.

We talked about why, and how to fix it. We talked about what we need, and when. We talked about who we are, and who we might be.

Where we might be going.

We talked about hope. Loss of hope. Holding on to hope. Sharing hope. We talked about trust, and regaining trust. We talked about hurt. Healing. Working at it.

We talked about fixing what's broken. We talked about building something stronger.

It was rough. It was raw. And it was worth every ache, if we can get through this.

Posted at 08:24 pm by Anjelle

Sunday, January 11, 2015
Why I Stare at the Screen

Sometimes I just... Don't want to do anything.

I want to be a bump on a log. A pebble in a cave.

Some days I want to just not exist for a while.

Life is hard. Stress messes with me. Winter messes with me. Hormones mess with me. Relationships mess with me.

I want to cuddle, but I feel claustrophobic. I want to make love, but I'm not aroused. I want to worship, but I feel no reverence. I want to go out, but I don't want to see anyone. I want to be in nature, but nature is cold and damp and unfriendly. I want to talk to my friends, but I don't want to reveal anything.

I think I'll just sit here.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Did you know that the dragonfly larvae -- called a nymph, or naiad -- crawls up out of the water and literally splits it's own skin to emerge as an adult dragonfly? Sometimes I feel like that.

Lately, I feel like that.

Stuck inside some shell of myself, knowing I need to break free. Something needs to change, and it all hurts. Trying to stay the same hurts.

Posted at 08:27 pm by Anjelle

Sunday, January 04, 2015
Dragonfly Tattoo

When she put the stencil on my skin, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Finally.

The needles etched tracks of ink and fire across my back.

Pain vibrated through my body. Is this what transformation feels like?

Skin splitting until wings burst forth.

Posted at 12:21 pm by Anjelle

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