Believe it or not, I did try for your forgiveness. You simply weren't capable. And I can't blame you for that, because I'm not sure it was a forgivable act.
It's nice to know you paid enough attention to know what my insecurities are. Good job attacking every single one of them. Just know that, as I read it, all I see is how much you are hurting. The words don't scar me. And I don't think I could feel any worse about the act.
I'm healing, now. I hope you can, too.
It's gotta suck to be filled with that much poison. Bite at me as many times as you need. Empty all that crap out.
I've been quiet lately, I know. I just haven't had anything to say.
It snowed here. Enough that I wasn't comfortable driving anywhere. (Not that it takes much for me.) Two weeks with barely any outside contact. I'm at work today, and so glad to be here!
I miss my Daddy. With the snow, and the not driving, I haven't seen him in about a month now. Two weeks is too long. A month is driving me nuts. I mean that literally. When I haven't seen him for a while, I don't feel right. Foggy, sort of. Corny as it sounds, he is my sunshine.
Christmas/Yule was good, despite the snow and the lack of funds. Mr. N made out like a bandit. I heart my family tradition. We have Christmas morning with my mother. Coffee with Irish Cream. Gifties. Then breakfast croissants with bacon, eggs, cheese, all the good stuff. It's lovely every year, and I think if she ever stops for any reason, I will simply move the tradition to my own home, because it's too nice to give it up.
I didn't get to set up my own tree in my home this year. But I did set up my mini-tree at work, and I decorated D's tree with Mr. N, so I'm satisfied. I can't wait to have my tree! Maybe next year.
Still looking for an apartment. I am aching to have my own space. Even more than any other time in the last year. I hope it happens for me soon.
Thank you to all my friends who wished me well over the holidays. If I still don't have anything to say before then, Happy New Year to you.
There are all kinds of kitchy-cute signs out there with a little saying that I always hand bland feelings about. "Stressed spelled backwards is desserts," or some such silliness. True, but never funny.
Until today, that is. Man, I could really go for some desserts right now! Ice cream sounds especially good. Creme brulee. Something creamy, and rich, but with a sort of dusky undercurrent to cut the sweetness. I think that might just make this a tolerable day.
This morning I had projects piling up on my desk faster than I could prioritize them. Much less actually complete anything. I was looking forward to catching up on some filing. I love filing. But, sadly, it seemed that everything was going wrong for the other staff members, and I am the fix-it girl. Missing files, jammed copiers, etc. This afternoon was about the same. The filing will have to wait another day. As will a couple of other things deemed of a lower priority.
By noon -- which is only three hours into my day -- I was ready to be done. The end. Nap-time. Kaput.
I now have only two hours left before quitting time. It will be fast paced for about half of that. The other half, I intend to get some beading done.
I think there was a bigger deal made of my birthday this year than there has been for many years.
Last year we went out one night, on my own planning. To my favorite strip club. It was so much fun, that I planned it again this year. Different players, same idea. It was, again, a ton of fun. Before we went out, I made a dinner of pork ribs, pasta with sauteed mushrooms, broccoli, and cauliflower. It was fantastic.
My mum wanted to cook me a birthday dinner, so we arranged to do that Sunday evening. When I got there, we made paper bag puppets -- a monkey for Mr. No, an elephant for mum, a bear for dad, and a tiger for me. They were so cute! Then Mr. No played a round of Uno with us. When he didn't win, he decided he didn't want to play again, so we played a dice game. We had salmon for dinner, and an all around good family time.
Yesterday was my actual birthday, and I came in to find my desk papered with 'Happy Birthday' signs in various designs. Also an aroma diffuser from the two girls I work with most. I got two birthday cards at work. One from H.R. and one from the folks in my department. Inside the card from my coworkers, was a sheet of sparkly fairy stickers. My boss, bless her, bought me a little toy fairy doll. The diffuser is now covered in sparkly stickers, and the fairy is riding on a My Little Pony across one of my shelves.
D had been telling me for a week that he wanted the night of my birthday. He was feeling sick enough that he didn't go to work, so I thought we would have to postpone. But... After we had dinner, there was a huuuuuuge cake. "Happy 4th Birthday, Anjelle," it said in it's happy purple frosting, surrounded by smiling flowers, a shiney sun, and two bumbly bees. So cute! And he got down the teacups, and saucers, and cookie plates, and we had a little tea party, just the two of us.
I got all kinds of calls and notes from people all over. Friends, and family. Even Daddy K took the time to write me a Happy Birthday email.